


For Love? (Anything.)

by goodxgirl92



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Fix-it fic, Hollstein - Freeform, Implied Carmilla/Ell (Past), Implied Temporary Character Death, Laura/Carmilla, Post-Ep34, Reference to Platform 9 3/4 Scene, Waystation, i'm not crying you're crying, stars and candles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-26
Updated: 2014-12-02
Packaged: 2018-02-27 01:14:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2673356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodxgirl92/pseuds/goodxgirl92
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Death had long been on her mind but this was not what she was expecting. </p><p>(In which there is a choice and Carmilla has always been love's bitch)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One: A Golden Place Between Life & Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A way-station, a golden dream, and a choice between peace and love.

So this was death.

Carmilla had expected something different after so many years caught between it and life. A part of her, a fearful part had expected the darkness of the coffin once again only worse. An endless, unending silence with no bombs, no tanks tearing the earth to set her free into a world that she did not recognize. She had expected claustrophobia if there was to be anything at all in death.

Instead she was… warm.

There was a tinkling of music, the swelling of the strings and piano so familiar that her unbeating heart ached with it. Carmilla’s eyes did not flicker but she moved clad in white and cloth of gold echoing movements she had made so many times, in so many different ballrooms over the years. There was no fear, no anxiety, no mother to pull her from the dance floor as she searched for… something. Her brows crinkled as she glanced around to misty figures that danced in the glittering light with features she could not make out. There was something missing. She nibbled a lip, trying to define what it was. Memories of Mircalla floated to the surface, newer memories, the feelings of lips against a cheek, of her name, Carmilla, Carmilla desperately screamed. “Laura.” Carmilla murmured, whirling around her dark eyes wide and searching. “She isn’t here.” A familiar voice said and if she’d been capable of it, Carmilla would have paled.

“Ell.”

She smiled. “Yes Carmilla.” That mole was still there on her cheek and he had not aged though her eyes were ancient after over a century trapped by the Light. “Laura is not here. She lives as did her friends.” Bone-deep relief fills her as she sits across from Ell, not daring to go any closer to the girl. “You saved them. At the cost of your immortal life.” The other girl smoothed out the lines of her white dress. Carmilla smirked, the expression sad but accepting. “There are worse things to die for sweetheart.” “Than love? I suppose I agree. You… all of you and them freed us trapped. The others have gone on but I… this,” she gestured to the decadent ballroom “they let me speak to you here before whatever will come after for us.”

Carmilla looked up. “Than this is temporary?” Ell shrugged. “I do not know. I am not aware of the complexities of the afterlife. If you had asked me in life I doubt I would have seen you here in such a place. This is… your heaven I suppose, you died a hero.” Carmilla shook her head. “I don’t… deserve heaven. I just… couldn’t let her die. Not for mother, not for… what they were doing. None of them deserved it and well… I was already dead anyhow.” She shrugged. “I’d… do it again. Just…” “You love her. I know that look Carmilla.”

She didn’t deny it.

Ell let a long silence continue for a moment. “This may be a waystation for you as well.” She finally said, looking out long windows that glowed a faint gold. “You could turn back, choose to fight.” Carmilla gave a faint smile. “To tell the creampuff I love her? To live out some fairy tale ending with her that ends with her going where I can’t follow? Make her into the same kind of monster I am? What would be the point in that?”

_'Carmilla’s dead.'_

A broken voice echoed over the faint noise of the ballroom, the image of Laura’s face bruised, bleeding, and crying reflecting in the glass around them and Carmilla swallowed over the lump in her throat. “She despairs at your loss Carmilla. And… Silas has long attracted the mysterious and strange, kept in order out of fear of the Light. It is gone now and the story of who defeated it will spread.” Ell’s eyes were sympathetic. “You can move forward, you have earned your peace but… will you choose it?”

She stared at that face, slowly standing. “I always was a fool.”

Ell smiled softly watching as Carmilla Karnstein's beautiful dress cloth of white and gold faded away, replaced by torn clothes, bruises, and blood, fading away from the golden ballroom. " _Good-bye_."


	2. Chapter Two: Dream of Me Softly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the darkness, dreams and reality melt into one another. If not anything else, a semester at Silas has taught Laura that much. Unfortunately, that makes a dream coming true a little harder to believe. 
> 
> (AU with the airing of episode 36)

If she opened her eyes, she would see that empty bed again. Betty… Elizabeth had gone through the motions of finding her things, of moving back in but it was hard she had told Perry, coming in halfway through the year midterms looming and realizing she knew no one, could not remember a single class or teacher and it made staying with someone who had moved heaven and earth difficult and really, she would be gone as soon as a transfer could be processed and she could go to Princeton like she had planned.

Laura knew that Natalie and Elsie were dealing with things a little better, the Summer Society and the others helping them to catch up on what they had missed when they’d been pod-peopled and kidnapped. Apart of her knew she should help, should leave the room, leave the bed and live.

The blankets were warm and dark and sometimes, in those little moments before she woke up she could pretend watching Carmilla dive over the edge of that cliff had been a horrible nightmare. It didn’t work and it made her dread waking, opening her eyes to find that it was all still real, that she wasn't going to wander back into the room with a smirk and a ‘you miss me cutie?’ and everything would magically be better. Everywhere she looked it just reminded her of that aching absence that was left. People whispered when she came to class, awkwardly smiling or looking away when they realized she could hear them and she could guess at what they were saying. Going home for Reading Week sounded like a blessing as she watched Betty file away Carmilla’s possessions as she settled back in to life at Silas, even temporarily.

She shifted under the covers as distantly the campus trembled.

That was a new thing as well. About a week give or take after the battle the shakes had begun seemingly for no reason since Silas wasn't near any fault lines (that they knew of since apparently local civic agencies refused to acknowledge that the university existed and thus the maps were mostly the result of the University Cartography Club) and it was causing some… anxiety among the students that was leaning towards outright panic.

The door creaked slightly but she ignored it, figuring it was just the building settling as the tremors faded away, a beam of light cutting into the room for a moment before closing but she didn’t hear Betty or anyone else, burying her face into the fabric of her yellow pillow.

There was silence then, quiet and full for such a long time that when extra weight settled on to her bed Laura was almost positive that she was dreaming again. She didn’t turn over but felt a silky warmth press against her, a familiar weight and darkness that she had felt before, had dreamed of before.

“Carm.” She whispered softly, screwing her eyes shut. There was the faint rumble of a purr, silky fur and muscle nuzzling against her but the breathing if there was any was faint and slightly labored. Her bed creaked as she shifted her weight, caught between turning to see if those eyes would be the same in this dream as they had been in all those previous gold and glowing in the dark with soft promise. “I’m dreaming.” Laura murmured, reaching out to touch the cat when the bed creaked, then groaned before giving up with a loud ‘CRASH’.

She shot up in bed, eyes flying open as they hit the ground hard, sending the weight that had been curled up next to her sprawling onto the ground shifting from a massive black figure, a cat of rippling muscle and fur into a much smaller and paler figure shaking with sunken eyes and lank hair but… But… “…not possible.” Laura whispered, trembling from head to toe as she tried to disentangle herself from the sheets of her bed. The figure didn’t say a word, trying to give her a shaky smile through cracked lips, dirt and blood and gunk streaking her face before her eyes started to flutter close. She swallowed, reaching out to touch her hand, solid and perfect as it was. “Carm?” Laura whispered again getting up off of the shambles of her bed. “…aura…” She whispered, voice hoarse and broken. “You…. You need blood don’t you?” She said quietly, walking over to the fridge which had been left mostly untouched since Betty’s return.

It was funny, her dreams had never been like this before.

Laura picked up the container of soy milk, absently hoping that there was enough before walking back over as Carmilla tried to sit up properly. “…s’rry…” She muttered. “Was hard to crawl out. Y’know the Zetas are throwing explosives into the pit?” Laura nodded, helping her tip the blood back. “They wanted to do a tribute to Will or Kirsch convinced them I guess even if he tried to murder him. Once a Zeta always a Zeta apparently.” She rolled her eyes as color started return to Carmilla’s cheeks. “You broke my bed.” Carmilla chuckled at that, the sound dissolving into coughs as she hacked up dust and phlegm from her lungs. “Yeah. Probably shouldn't have… just moving like this was kinda hard.” She raised an arm only to have it fall back down before sipping more from the milk container, a slight dark red mustache forming on her upper lip. Laura faintly smiled at such a weirdly mundane detail. After a few moments she straightened, wiped her upper lip and reached over for her.

She turned into the feeling of that slightly cool hand caressing her cheek. “Hey.” Carmilla said softly. “Hey.” Laura replied, not daring to close her eyes as Carmilla leaned in and captured her mouth with hers. She didn’t react at first, then leaned in when Carmilla started to pull away, threading hands through her hair as they met in the middle for one more kiss that turned into two, then three and more besides and she could feel Carmilla smiling through it, sucking on her bottom lip and pulling it between her teeth. She moaned a little at that, hands grazing along Carmilla’s arms which had reached out to grab her hips.

After a few minutes though they broke apart, lips kiss bruised and red. “So… giant black cat?” Laura asked, tilting her head to the side and Carmilla let out an actual laugh (more of a giggle) at that. “Yeah. Didn't clue in after all of the dreams?” Her teeth flashed white in the darkness and Laura smiled a little at that. “In my defense, things were weird enough and the idea of shapeshifting seemed a little outside the ballpark even with an elder god sleeping beneath campus.” Carmilla shivered slightly at that and was quiet for a moment. “...point taken.” She finally said, Laura dazedly wandering up to turn her bedside lamp on. Carmilla’s face crumpled up slightly, shielding her eyes. “Gah.” She said, wrinkling her nose. “Shower.” Laura smiled at her. “Later.” She sat down, leaning against Carmilla. “I…” Her face was sad. “I don’t want to wake up just yet.”

Carmilla frowned at that, turning Laura’s head to look at her. “Cupcake,” She said in that soft, sweet tone of voice. “You are not dreaming. I’m right here.” “I’ve dreamed that before though. I’ve thought it was real, so real and then I’d close my eyes and you were gone. Again.” Her voice broke on the last line.

Her eyes softened, her spine straightened. “Cream…Laura. Laura I pulled myself out of a virtual hellpit of darkness and explosions and the walls doing something creepy that seemed like breathing and then a trudged across campus bleeding and coughing up gunk as a giant black cat figuring out how to open doors without opposable thumbs before passing out and breaking your bed. Sweetheart, I don’t think even after a semester here that your dreams are that weird that you’d come up with all those details for me coming back to you.” She smiled, cupping Laura’s face in her hands. “I’m real, I’m here and… no more dead then I was before all this shit.” Laura’s eyes filled as Carmilla’s eyes bore into hers and an answering ache came from the mostly healed bite on her shoulder, so distant she almost didn’t notice it. Carmilla paused, making a face. “…I never did finish that right.” She mumbled softly, still visibly exhausted.

There was a pause. “Finish what?” Laura asked, her brows crinkling together. “Ehh…” Carmilla waved a hand. “Don’t worry about it? I mean… it isn’t…” At the look Laura continued to stare at her Carmilla let out a sigh. “So… that might have been a little more then a nibble. In the way of things it didn’t work out the way I wanted to because I sort of panicked about fleeing then staying then well I kept putting it off which I shouldn't have.” Carmilla’s shoulders slumped. “I thought the charm would be enough after awhile.”

“…I think I should demand an explanation but…” Laura made a face. “I’m not sure if either of us are… thinking straight so… you take a shower… and maybe I should pick up the Sumerian book and… text Betty and everyone else because… reasons and then we can talk after we've slept and I stop feeling like there’s a hedgehog in my throat.” She gave her a watery smile which Carmilla returned.

Laura pulled out her phone, suddenly wishing it was capable of photography just so she had some proof this moment was real before she started texting, leaning up against the bathroom door that Carmilla had just entered, the sound of the shower turning on.

_Perry, Danny, LaF_

_-Please tell me she’s real, Laura._


End file.
